You Fail Biology, Grell
by TwilightRein
Summary: Grell doesn't seem to understand that a baby with Sebastian wasn't possible or with William for that matter. Grell-centric. Oneshot.


**Good Morning~! **

**It's currently 5:47am and I start working in about 7 hours. An all nighter is bad but...I can't sleep so...ya...**

**Anyway, I wanted to do a Kuroshitsuji for a while now but all of my focus has been on Siren's Call, which only has one more chapter before it ends. I never knew a multi-chaptered fic could be draining. It was fun, don't get me wrong, but the highest chapter fic I have is 14{?} chapters and that was a ficlet. The second highest is eight chapters. Siren's call is gonna end at 31 chapters. Well, fuck, that's quite a lot of chapters. So...a Kuroshitsuji oneshot! About Grell! Because I love him! And I love Jun Fukuyama! And I pre-ordered the first season so I can't wait to get it. So, I figured writing a quick little Grell-centric oneshot would help me get over a tiny bit of writer's block for Siren's Call. And 'cause the plot bunny for this would not leave me alone. **

**So...enjoy~  
And review~! **

**Disclamier: I own the fluffy plot bunny. Everything else belongs to Toboso Yana {She wrote my most favorite yaoi! I can tell she's a J-rock fan 'cause one chapter in Glamorous Lips features a seme who looks an awful lot like Miyavi, my ideal. And the setting of that particular chapter was an awful lot like his movie, which was quite autobiographical called Oresama, and the title of that chapter is actually a title of one of his songs} ...I ramble, sorries. **

**Warning: Ummm...slight OOC maybe? Implied wanted-Mpreg but it's Grell so, it's okay. :D  
**

* * *

Grell Sutcliff wanted babies.

Perhaps for the wrong reason but, nonetheless, he wanted babies. More specifically, he wanted to have Sebastian Michaelis babies'. Who wouldn't want to have that demon's babies? Well, maybe William but he was a prude. His opinion didn't matter. Grell shivered delightfully as he skipped along the shingle roofs of London's houses. It was such a bore, waiting for the next human to die on his list. There wasn't much to do except for thinking. And thinking lead to Sebastian. Just thinking of Sebastian made the flamboyant shinigami prance about. Those piercing eyes and those lips…! Another delicious shiver shot up his spine. He wanted that demon's babies'. Logic be damned. He licked his lips as he revved his death scythe.

He needed to see the demon. To the Phantomhive manor!

In an instant, Grell was at the front steps of the grand Phantomhive manor. The red-haired shinigami grinned as he rang the bell. A few moments later the door opened and Grell was greeted by the sight of Sebastian. The plastic smile dropped just a few centimeters. Grell batted his eyes at the demon.

"Sebas-chan!"

And the door was promptly slammed in front of his face. Grell moved back, rubbing his sore face. It would take much more than a slammed door to deter the feminine shinigami. He invited himself in, much to Sebastian's horror. A closed door meant nothing to a shinigami.

"I want to have your BABIES!" cried out Grell. The occupants of the spacious foyer, including Maylene, Finnian and Baldroy, stopped in their tracks. Maylene promptly blushed while Baldroy and Finnian stared, gaping like fishes out of water, at the odd declaration. Tanaka…well, he was being Tanaka, sipping tea from his ever present mug by Baldroy's side. Sebastian felt the goose bumps rise on his arms, the hair on the back of his neck raised. Grell ran towards Sebastian, his arms out-stretched in front of him. As Grell neared, Sebastian used the silver platter and without turning around, raised it by his side. Grell's face slammed against it hard.

"That is physically impossible." The demon butler said, walking away. Grell fell to the floor, once again rubbing his sore face. "Maylene, don't those plates have to be somewhere." He added to the maid. Maylene blushed, sputtering a 'yes sir!' as she hauled the cart of dishes away. A quick non-threatening yet threatening glare to Baldroy and Finnian had the cook and gardener scampering away. As for Tanaka, Sebastian sighed. Tanaka was Tanaka.

Grell stood up. If a door wouldn't deter him, a silver platter wouldn't even put a dent on him. He brushed non-existing dust of his uniform. He followed the demon butler through a door near the grand staircase that led to the second floor.

"You shouldn't talk about impossibilities, Sebas-chan." said Grell with a teasing smile. Sebastian ignored him. "My lovely ivory Raven!" He twirled as he quickly imagined a bare-chested Sebastian, complete with a floral background and sparkles, and his daydream Sebastian winked at him. Grell swooned and didn't see the white-gloved fist aimed at him. For the third time, Grell walked into the fist, grunting in sweet pain as he stepped back, clutching his nose for the third time.

"Please remove that image from your head." The demon butler politely asked. It didn't take much to figure out what he was going on through the shinigami's mind. Grell grinned, flashing his set of shark-like teeth. He wiped the blood that trickled down his nose and continued to follow Sebastian like a demon hound in love. Speaking of demon hound, Pluto was damn near sexy. Too bad he's dead. Grell shrugged the thought away. Why think about a dead body when a perfectly _live_ body was right in front of him? Another image snaked its' way into his mind: a bare-chested Sebastian holding Grell, long fingers tilting his head up. Grell shook his head, silently saying goodbye to the image. He grinned, licking his lips.

"I want your child, Sebas-chan." Grell sang.

"Don't you have a job to do?" Sebastian asked.

"Waiting for the next human on my list to die is boring. And she's going to die in a plain way." Grell said. "I'd rather have your child."

A visible tick appeared on Sebastian forehead. He grabbed Grell's hands, much to his dismay but much to the delight of the shinigami. He threw Grell into the door next to him which happened to be the kitchen. He forced Grell onto a chair, grabbed a conveniently placed blackboard by the door. Grell smiled, raking his eyes over the lean body clothed in that appealing butler's outfit. A shiver went up Sebastian's spine, one of disgust, as he grabbed his pointer and a fork. Without turning back to look, he threw the fork behind his head, hearing the satisfying yelp as it struck its' intended target. Grell whined, pulling the fork out of his hand. Sebastian turned around, stepping aside of the blackboard so Grell could see what he had written on it.

He tapped the pointer to the top line. It was the male sex sign followed by plus then a female sex sign followed by the equal sign then an image of a baby. "A male and a female make a baby." Then he pointed to the second line. The second line composed of the equation of two _male_ sex symbols followed by the equal sign with a short slash through the middle followed by the baby image. "Two _males_ do _not_ make a baby."

Grell stared at the board, ignoring the second line as he stared at the first line.

"So…you want a baby too?" asked Grell with a hopeful tone. Sebastian resisted the urge to facepalm because a Phantomhive butler did not facepalm. It was beneath a Phantomhive butler. But throwing another silverware utensil at the flamboyant shinigami was most certainly not beneath him. Sebastian turned back to the board and scribbled one last equation. He stepped aside and tapped the pointer against the blackboard, perhaps a bit harder than necessary. The third equation was the image of a chibi image of Sebastian plus Grell followed by the equal sign with the slash then the baby image.

"No baby." Sebastian reinforced with a firm tap of the pointer. Grell stared at the three equations, favoring the first one but the third equation he liked only because it had the chibi image of Sebastian's head. Grell hummed thoughtfully, chewing on a thumb pad as he stared at the equations. Then his green eyes shifted over to Sebastian, stripping him of that butler outfit. Then Sebastian pulled a fork from his jacket pocket and threw it at Grell, point blank targeted in-between Grell's eyes. Grell inclined his head to the side, his gaze focused on the demon butler, as he grabbed the fork mid-air, the utensil caught between his fingers. As much as Grell loved blood on himself, he wouldn't mind seeing Sebastian dripping in that red substance Grell loved so much. That pale ivory skin would look so tantalizing dripping blood. Grell shivered as he languidly licked the fork. Then Sebastian threw a barrage of forks at the shinigami. Out of nowhere, perhaps from beneath the coat hung around his elbows, he pulled out his death scythe, blocking all the forks.

"Let's have a baby, Sebas-chan!" Grell stroked his death scythe as he eyed Sebastian. Though, before Grell could take a step towards Sebastian, he was suddenly thrown to the marble floor. And for the fourth time in the last hour, his face met with another hard concrete surface. He could feel polished shoes dig into his back.

"Grell, what're you doing here?" William asked, using his death scythe to pin down Grell's head by the neck, using the end of his rod to keep Grell's head still.

Very calmly, Grell answered, "Having Sebas-chan baby." William stared at Sebastian, his ever present frown and the crease between his brows visible on his stoic feature.

"It's not possible to have a baby with that devilish fiend." said William, directly staring at the demon butler. Grell squirmed underneath William as he tried to free his neck from the clipper that was holding his neck still. William pulled his death rod from the ground, momentarily freeing Grell's neck. He bent down and grabbed the red-haired shinigami by the back of his shirt. Grell pouted, crossing his arms as he burned one last image of Sebastian in his mind.

"Please make sure you keep a better eye on your trash." Sebastian politely said, with a hint of venom underneath the polite request. Grell grabbed his death scythe and he licked his lips. He was still determined to have Sebastian baby. Though he could put if off for a while. He glanced up at William. He might have a sour face most, if not; all of the time, but William was very _very_ attractive.

"Then I'll have your baby." said Grell, flashing a grin full of sharp teeth. He didn't seem to understand the quite clear explanation Sebastian had presented on the blackboard. William sighed, adjusting his glasses with his death scythe. Then they were gone without a further word. Sebastian sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose before he went about his daily tasks as a Phantomhive butler.


End file.
